he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
