I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
