You work out of a Hotel?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There are leaves in my underwear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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