I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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