The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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