so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
