You just made me feel so damn special
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
