Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
