I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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