U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
