evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
