i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
