I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
