he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just googled if crying burns calories
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
