hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
