Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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