Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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