I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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