I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
