i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
