Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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