my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
