he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
