No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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