I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
