Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
