you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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