I will die if light touches me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
