You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
