I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
