Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
