im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
