We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
