I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
