I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
