I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
