Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
