He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
