Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
