bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
