yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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