he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
