Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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