i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
