shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
