dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
