I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
