Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
