it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
