We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
