I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
