Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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