My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
