I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
