The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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