you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
