Cold hands, warm shart.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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