what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
